WHY I HAVE A WEB SITE ABOUT HAPPINESS
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| Thursday, March 08, 2007, 2:11 PM Writing about happiness has its dangers. Some people see anyone who spends a lot of time exploring happiness as being a bit too "touchy-feely", "new-age", "unrealistic", "naive", and out of touch with "real life". How can someone spend a lot of time musing about happiness and still be a part of real life, facing the tough issues like earning enough money, protecting self and family from ruin and exploitation, and avoiding all the pitfalls that can send life into a disastrous downward spiral. The way I see things, learning about happiness is the ultimate "real world" task. Think about why you do what you do. You don't struggle for a successful career because you want to "be successful". That's just a phrase that means little by itself. "Be successful" is just a name we give to what we really want... freedom from fear, physical wellness, emotional peace, satisfied needs, and good relationships with other people. Being successful really means being happy. That's why I like to study what leads to happiness. I'm not "touchy-feely". I've been working for over thirty years and now see that all my goals have ultimately been disguises for one thing... a desire for happiness. That's why I study what makes us happy. I've been around the block a few times. For instance, I already have been an executive at a large hospital. I got a lot of pleasure out of that, as well as a lot of pain. I enjoyed the money and prestige of the position. I also defined who I was by that position, and finally losing the position after an administration change was horrible. It felt like my entire life was taken away. Finally, after many months I started to understand that who I am is not what I do. Happiness came back after I fully accepted the career setback and focused on the good things in my present life. This episode changed my perspective about what is important. A happy person hopefully has a successful career; but sees that the career is something you experience, not really what defines "you". I could still be happy, even though my career had crashed at that time. I've been self-employed. I was not as successful as I wanted to be in my new venture. More ups and downs in mood and happiness followed. The bottom line: Once again happiness came back when I accepted the present, even though I was not satisfied with everything. I was able to move on and do better. Again the key was understanding that I could be happy even when the job left something to be desired. I've held a number of "high-stress" jobs in big corporations. I was successful financially. I also drifted into forcing my personality to fit the corporate mold. I became unhappy, I got sick, I had personal problems, and I really disliked what I felt compelled to do for "success". I became angry with management. I came to see management as "the enemy". After a lot of soul searching I decided that I should be more concerned with being happy, getting well, and resolving my personal problems. I gave my corporate career the concern and effort it was due; but I no longer let it run my life. I got healthier, happier, and resolved the personal problems. I also found that I was no longer on the "fast-track" to corporate promotion. I was now viewed as someone who did not give +100% to the job... a potential corporate liability. I was happy now, so that was OK. I always did a good job in the big corporations where I worked. I got good reviews. Still, I could see that I made a lot of management uncomfortable. I think I did not show enough fear of the consequences of displeasing management. I always followed corporate rules and I always worked hard for my employer, although I made it clear that my family and life outside the office were top priorities in my life. If things came to a choice between my family and my job advancement, my family would come first. I had already awakened to the folly of being defined by what you do at work instead of what you are as a whole person. I've been laid off during corporate "down-sizing" twice. It was easier the second time than the first because I was learning more about what made happiness present in my life. The second time this happened I was more focused on a happy life as a whole and my role as an employee was only a part of the picture. I picked up the career pieces fairly quickly and kept on living a pretty happy life. When I look back at my work history I can see that I really was not very happy as a corporate employee. I stayed unhappy until I took the time to study what really made me happy. I was, and remain, grateful for the money and security that my corporate jobs provided. Still, I am convinced that being happy takes more than reaching the summit of career success. Most of the happiness comes from loving relationships and peace with life as it is right now. Goals are necessary and good; but don't dislike the present because you have a goal for the future. Every day can be a wonderful, happy day. You can be sick or you can be poor and still be happy to be alive. If you are not angry with life you can be happy… maybe not comfortable; but happy. So, that's some insight into the personal experiences that make me think understanding what make us happy is so important. We want to be happy. We need to be happy. Everything we do is an effort to be happy. The more we know about what causes happiness, the easier it is to make the life decisions that lead to happiness. This is as "real world" as it gets! Be happy! |
